Time box chatting is the art of cutting a conversation that bores you without the other part feeling offended. I need to master this art for the workplace.
Context: This post is intertwined with my last one about how extroverts function. The most upvoted post is about how this is not an intro-extroversion issue, but antisocial-social one. Another one is about how matching communication styles with coworkers lowers walls and the recommended way is to time box chat. There are coworkers I don’t need to practice this charade with because they’re genuine and are, like me, analytical and not needy. The problem I have with are the emotional ones, to me still childish.
If tomorrow at the workplace I ask one of the emotional ones how is she doing, she’s going to believe I’m either f*cking with her, I’m trying to sell her something, I’m having some kind of seizure or I’m on drugs. These are people I have nothing in common with, so I don’t know how the conversation should go after initial contact. Just a sample of what they talk about:
“I like your eyelashes so much”
“I’m getting an IUD so I can have sex with my boyfriend without condoms”
“you have so pretty shoes”
“you don’t have a boyfriend? I’ll help you get one”
It’s never 2 minutes of conversation and let’s get to work, it’s at least 30 minutes, longer if they decide to go smoking and my boss belongs to this group and enjoys the attention. What past me did is stay there like a moron, not contributing because what the heck am I supposed to say to any of that? and eventually leave to work on my own, because they bore me. And they felt offended when I did that. The longest I can listen to this kind of inane conversation is 30 seconds. I don’t believe I can make the 2 minute mark. And even if I make it to the 2 minute mark I don’t want it to be longer than that and I don’t want them talking to me after those 2 minutes.
Kudos to all introverts and quiet ones who can navigate this. I cannot.
ETA: drama is the only reason why I’m quitting this job, I already have a new one elsewhere, effective in 4 weeks, so this is the perfect time to experiment with whatever you can think of because I have nothing to lose.
Can you experiment with using nonverbal communication to signal that you’re ready to go? Things like:
- If standing, shift your feet so they’re pointing away from the person (if ineffective, can escalate by rotating the whole leg away, which you can then escalate by shifting more weight to the turned-away leg)
- If sitting, put your hands to your knees/lower thighs (think an extremely subtle version of the Midwest USA joke where you slap your knees and say “welp!”)
- If sitting at your desk, gradually begin rotating back to your work (gently swivel seat back so your legs are under the table, can escalate by rotating your torso back to your work while keeping only your head turned, and if they’re still super clueless you can return your hands to your keyboard/work as well)
Some kind of empathizing response followed by “well, I need to get back to it” or just a simple “sorry for cutting this short, I need a bio break”.
Empathizing statements could include, but are not limited to:
- I know how you feel
- I’m so glad things are going your way
- that sucks, I hope it works out for you
Look at your phone and say “Gotta go. See you later”. Maybe say something relevant to the discussion to acknowledge them, like “I hope your dog’s rash heals quickly”.
Did you get an important text? See the time? It doesn’t matter because you are already walking away.
