likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time “they/them” before being told their pronouns is “misgendering”. absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.

im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly “misgendered” by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.

anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being “misgendered” when they arent (cis people are also referred to as “they/them” before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.

edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.

edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465

Edit 3 - apparently I did nothing wrong until I made my thoughts known about how the pronoun police fucked over the larger LGBTQ community as our rights are backsliding in America. Yall are gonna whine about being misgendered to the concentration camp guards at the rate we’re going. God forbid I be angry that while queers were busy fighting over pronouns our adversaries stuffed the courts, stuffed the school boards, couped the government, and are installing a fascist dictatorship. When I say that these fucking toddlers are going to learn what real oppression tastes like, that’s what I mean. It’s not that I want us to be hurt or oppressed (as the dog piling idiots have interpreted), it’s that the younger generation is weak as hell and lost the fucking plot in the fight for our rights. I grew up getting beaten in the streets for being queer only for these kids to claim their pronouns not being mind-read is oppression!

  • Lvxferre [he/him]@mander.xyz
    0·
    13 days ago

    TL;DR: BPR CSPR (charged situation-provoked reaction). OP was gatekeeping a wee bit but this was definitively not worth a permaban, at most a “chill your head!” 1d ban. OP being queer and the issue happening outside Blåhaj are also relevant.

    Sorry in advance for the WORDS, WORDS, WORDS.

    Also, I’m not queer. Or an instance owner. I’m open to hear about things that I got wrong. I’m judging things here because it’s how this comm works.

    I don’t disagree with the core of what you’re saying, it’s sensible stuff:

    • it is completely fine to use they/them as a default; it is not misgendering
    • some people overreact to what, contextually, clearly conveys “I don’t know your gender”
    • queers on the verge of being hunted is way, way more serious than pronouns

    100% agree with the above. But even then, check your own comment:

    This attitude drives me fucking nuts as a millennial who had to fight the real fights for LGBTQ acceptance only for the younger generation to get their panties in a twist for inadvertently being called by the “wrong” (gender neutral) pronoun.

    Queers are on the verge of being hunted and exterminated in the US and y’all are pissy over being called a gender neutral pronoun by someone who doesn’t know you?

    For fucks sake this is why the heteros hate us. Younger queers need faux outrage to feel important. Now the real threats are back on the horizon. Thanks to young out of touch activists caring more about pronouns than our physical safety and well-being.

    You’re arbitrarily drawing a line and saying “up to this point, it is not an important matter. Past that point, it is”. Well… this is gatekeeping! Cat shit might not be as serious of a problem as elephant shit, but both are still shit, you know?

    Then there’s the matter of this happening outside Blåhaj. I get why the admins there ban people for activity outside their own instance: the instance is home to extremely marginalised groups, that requires getting rid of bad faith actors (haters, chasers…) even before they set their feet there.

    So for example. Let’s say that I (cis, hetero) said something that can be understood as bigotry. It would be only sensible if Blahaj banned me on the spot - better safe than sorry, right?

    …however that clearly does not apply to you - even if not trans you’re gender-diverse. (I always check profiles before judging people.) Blahaj is supposed to be inviting to people like you. It shifts the issue from “some cis hetero got banned by mistake” to “someone who should feel safe in that instance got banned by mistake”. Plus what you’re saying isn’t even bigoted, it’s simply gatekeeping.

    Based on all of that I think that some intervention from the Blahaj admins would be sensible, even if this happened outside their “turf”, but they went a bit too far. [/two cents]

    • inv3r5ion@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
      0·
      13 days ago

      It’s not gatekeeping, and this narcissistic faux outrage over being “misgendered” is harmful to the LGBTQ community.

      You’re not queer and you don’t understand the level of anger right now that American queers have. As someone who faced outright physical abuse chronically for being queer as a kid seeing permanently online baby queers get pissy over pronouns while we’re about to be hunted again is absolutely fucking rage inducing for good reason. These fucking piss babies need to get their shit together.

      • Lvxferre [he/him]@mander.xyz
        0·
        13 days ago

        You’re 100% right that I’m not feeling the anger you queer people are feeling. And, again, I agree with the core of what you’re saying. It boils down to “goddammit can’t those bloody kids get their priorities right???”, doesn’t it?

        And even with your anger being justified, and even with the core of your complain being spot on, there’s still gatekeeping there. And it’s completely extraneous to what you’re likely trying to say. You could say the same stuff that you’re saying without it.

        And the people who hate you queer people would still do it regardless of pronouns. It’s just an excuse from their part; the actual reason why they hate you is that you’re subversive (and that’s a good thing). Once they remember “hey, trans and gender non-conforming people exist”, all that “God, then man, then woman” hierarchy goes down the bloody drain. Without those kids talking about pronouns they’d pick on something else. Like they already do, their go out of their way to make shit up about you.

        [Regardless of agreeing or disagreeing I genuinely wish that you stay safe. And the kids too - even if acc. to you their priorities might be out of place, they still deserve safety.]

        • PugJesus@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          13 days ago

          You’re 100% right that I’m not feeling the anger you queers are feeling. And, again, I agree with the core of what you’re saying. It boils down to “goddammit can’t those bloody kids get their priorities right???”, doesn’t it?

          I interpreted the original statement more as “Accidental misgendering with gender-neutral pronouns is not an unreasonable thing to happen; attacking people over it is unreasonable” more than a question of priorities, and the addition of “I was queer Back In The Day” was meant to establish that the poster isn’t some outsider who doesn’t know what queer persecution is like, but someone who is genuinely pointing out that accidental misgendering is not an attack or an offense that needs the call to arms to be raised against the individual who made the mistake.

          • Lvxferre [he/him]@mander.xyz
            0·
            13 days ago

            I’m saying that it’s a matter of priorities because of this comment chain. Special emphasis on:

            and likewise, as an older queer I’m doing my own educating here. I’m not going to sugarcoat the truth. Not now with the severity of the threat we collectively face while we’re having a fucking pissing match over pronouns and being offended by the innocent use of they/them purely to be outraged and feel important.

            No, call people you don’t know they/them until otherwise corrected and if they get pissy about it that’s their fault and not yours. // There’s real serious problems out there, being upset over being accidentally “misgendered” by having no gender recognition at all is fucking ridiculous attention seeking me me me behavior.

            • PugJesus@lemmy.worldEnglish
              0·
              13 days ago

              See, I’d interpret those same quotes with different emphasis.

              and likewise, as an older queer I’m doing my own educating here. I’m not going to sugarcoat the truth. Not now with the severity of the threat we collectively face while we’re having a fucking pissing match over pronouns and being offended by the innocent use of they/them purely to be outraged and feel important.

              No, call people you don’t know they/them until otherwise corrected and if they get pissy about it that’s their fault and not yours. // There’s real serious problems out there, being upset over being accidentally “misgendered” by having no gender recognition at all is fucking ridiculous attention seeking me me me behavior.

              ie, I interpret it not as “This is a real problem, but a minor one, and we have major ones to deal with”

              But rather as “This is not an offense any more than someone stepping on your foot by accident is an offense”

              • inv3r5ion@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
                1·
                13 days ago

                Yeah, the second interpretation. This whole “misgendering” bullshit is just looking for something to be mad about.

                Meanwhile the physical violence that I grew up fighting is about to return but sure let’s go be mad at our fellow queers for not reading our minds about what pronouns we want to be called because they/them is offensive to us despite being standard English for hundreds of years!

      • naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        0·
        13 days ago

        The uh scare quotes aren’t really helping your case. Being queer doesn’t mean you automatically understand the seriousness of other queer people’s concerns and it also doesn’t mean you’re free of bigotry.

        Consider like lgbt erasure from official histories, many people scoffed at concerns like this and thought it was hysterical pearl clutching to make a big deal about whether or not someone’s sexuality was mentioned or whatever. Others will tell you it literally saved their lives knowing that people like them existed in the past.

        I don’t think it’s that hard to just be kind, and if you can’t be kind be funny and then block them and move on :P